Newsletter – October 2000

1. Mesh vests – Still some to sell.
2. Consistency races – Some have changed making two in a weekend. Will leave like that for now.
3. Cross-Country January – Three farms involved all agreed to request for help. Geoff to speak to J. Popplewell and confirm venue. M. Scoggins to organise officials. Need to consider selling refreshments to make some money for club funds.
4. Overton 5- Final profit should be £1,500
5. Christmas Dinner-Not available at golf club on 17/12/00. Need alternative venue. Cathy to try, Vine pub- Beach Arms.
6. Cyclist Race- John to contact the cyclists.
7. Andover, Newbury relay- all in hand.
8. Vets Captain- Franny elected.
9. 100 Club- Nicky or Keith will take over.

Treasurers Report.
Income: – £487.80
Expenditure: – £921.92
Current: – £221.80
Reserve: – £1189.16
A.O.B.

1. Combe Gibbet- Entry forms need printing. Need to mark the course on the Saturday prior to the race. Paul to organise officials.
2. Last Thursday before Christmas. Hopefully getting a barrel of beer for upstairs after the race 21/12/00. Could possibly lay on small amount of food, financed through club funds. £100.
3. Mark to undertake the posting of the newsletter to out of touch members.
4. London Marathon Club entries is in hand.

categories Light weight Medium weight & Heavyweight

 
while under the influence

 
sees above

 
7 SESSIONS OVER 4 DAYS

MENS 9K CROSS COUNTRY
WOMENS 3K CROSS COUNTRY
MENS/WOMENS BORDER CROSSING EVENT
SNEAKING IN & OUT OF POLAND

ANGLO CZECH RELATIONS CHAMPIONSHIP
CLUB JINX
EARLY TO BED
This competition did not attract to many Harriers this year although it was noted that the ladies team did consider this as one of their bankers. Light weight mens was won by a huge margin by Jamie Jones who smashed the club record by retiring well before 10pm Sat 7^th even though competing with his usual elite virus. Mens Middle weight category went to JT who also retired early Sat although he was clearly outclassed by JJ. Mens heavyweight title went to a newcomer Military Mike who although tried very hard; shook off the rest of the field to win by a short nap. I think it is fair to say though that there was an element of cheating in the mens heavy with several illegal naps being taken during the day (wake up Steve McNair!)
The ladies event was not categorised by weight (due in part by the fear of the reporter) but I think must go to Cath who like Jamie managed a sub 10pm on Sun although it later became clear that the excitement of the day had meant that she could not remain there but had to return downstairs to check on the rest of the competition.

The clubs champion has been in serious training for this event since last year devoting every Thursday evening in perfecting his style. His coach and Manager ET was in a confident mood prior to the trip and was happy to comment ” No one can touch my boy …He’s going to destroy the rest of the field”.
And yes you’ve guessed it JT did not let him down providing a superb display of weaving on Saturday evening weaving some 6ft to narrowly avoid colliding with a pair of double doors before shimmying in the wrong direction towards the dance floor in a breathlessly effortless display of total disorientation.

One of the leagues smaller events (and a first to the writer’s knowledge) was in danger of being sabotaged by “locals” who despite largely appreciating the clubs talents insisted on shouting for a rendition of Louis Armstrong. The competitors had earlier warmed up with some international cross chanting and were only too pleased to take the stage when the evenings-contracted entertainer was taken offguard. A most impressive rendition of that all time favourite “Candle in the Wind” gives Nick the title but stiffer competition was restricted due to the keyboard players removal of his equipment in a huff.

Turning to one of the more seriously taken competitions of the weekend is where the true harrier is discovered. A tough series of sessions spread over 4 days laid bare the unprepared athlete. The events were split into one long session on Fri , 2 sessions on Sat ; reps in the afternoon and a very long steady run in the evening . A repeat of Sat on Sunday and a shorter rep session on Monday. It proved very difficult to separate the many contenders for the title but a decision has been made and yet again John Hoare takes the honours with mentions to Martin (best newcomer) Dave (who would have taken the title if it had not been for his girlish refusal of the shorts which was particularly embarrassing at the home of one of our Czech friends) and of course Steve. Other harriers worth mentioning were;-
Mike, Military Mike & Helen, Jamie, Nick, Paul & Cath, Liz, JT and forgetting Ronny the Duck.

This was the only declared card competition despite various unofficial games being played and was won ” hands down” by those crafty lads Scouse Dave and his straight man Nick from it has to be said the rather weak competition of Paul & Cath & Martin & Steve. The prize unfortunately was a clip round the ear from Cath and the confiscation of all the Smarties the boys had won.

This unscheduled event caught out a lot of the competitors who were confronted by a 3-lap race of steep uphill & steep downhill sections with nothing in-between but hills. Right from the start Nick surprised the field with his admittance of not really liking cross-country at all a fact which he repeated several times on each lap to anyone who might be listening. This was the event which Mike had been waiting for and despite the strain of earlier events he led the harriers home with a very impressive run obtaining 2^nd place in the Vets category. Following closely behind came Jamie & Paul and somewhat further behind came the rest Nick,Dave,Martin,Military Mike, & JT. One harrier was so caught out by shock event that he failed to finish and very nearly didn’t start. More of a C.B.B rather than a D.N.F.

The ladies somewhat shorter event was made even easier by their obvious preparation. They stormed round still fresh from the previous events with Cath coming in 4^th just 6 seconds from the star prize of a car and followed home by Liz & Helen. To coin a phrase Cath was gutted not to feature on the podium
Although conceded most of her competitors were considerably younger than she was!

This was an extra-unscheduled race spontaneously invented on the way to one of the afternoon consistency events where Nick just outsprinted Dave to cross into Poland first. Returning proved more difficult to the athletes with the exception of Mike & Helen whose specialist training came in very handy especially in disarming a motorcyclist despatched to interrogate us.

The winner was without doubt that mystery personality at the top of the stairs who traditionally makes an appearance at some stage over the weekend and he’s always dressed in old JT’s gear! This year however became an international event when the “locals” previously mentioned in the crooning comp turned up in Hawaiian shirts and with what looked like a particularly ugly transvestite in a green outfit who Martin apparently found irresistible. They were later disqualified after failing several tests for drugs and sex and just for being toooooooo ugly.

This year’s winner is unquestionable. Dave managed not only to master the language over the course of the weekend ordering from menus in complete confidence and conversing fluently with our hosts and anyone else in close proximity. But he also single handedly imparted his specialist scouse dialect in a mass training session, which means that our friends will now fully understand the Harry Enfield show if they ever get a chance to see it! His non-stop VD kept most of us happy for all of the time.

Another new category. After our exciting outward bound journey and uneventful return it was established by an almost Sherlock Homes demonstration of deduction that the club jinx is…………

Then I hit upon a master stroke I suggested to dem der tight wads wot brought der own wad, that we should all put in de kitty and lots more of dem der crowns were stuffed into me fat wallet. We left the airport and I bunged de mini bus driver a crown to have a breakdown, so as de kitty did not get called on for lunch. Worked a treat, I had to be discrete eatin me smoked salmon and caviar sarnies, washed down with some moet and summit champers, but non of dem saw us.
Arrived at Nove Mesto and I ses to dem lot wot aint been before you go sight seein and I’ll treat me mates to a bevvie or 3, unfortunately de old fella gate crashed de bar and proceeded to eat everytin on de menu, we would get im back for dat. Went to de hotel and we got our rooms sorted, I bunged Nick a large wad of dem der crowns to keep im quiet, while I counted de rest. Feelin flush went to de bar, told Steve X bellies to go around and collect dem bettin slips wot de barman was tickin, Steve hid dem in Liz’s purse. I paid for all de bevvies on de Friday night includin dem for our CZ mates and it was only a fiver!
Saturday, at de run I had to bung Martin and Mike a load of dem crowns to stay behind me, thanks lads. I therefore won de bronze medal and a car in de Veterans Western European section of de race. Bunged de judge and had Fast Blissy’s Car turned into a set of glasses, another of dem Skoda’s for me! Went for lunch on me table was Martin, Nick and Fast Ron who generously paid our bill or we would have sent de photos, if yer know wat I mean.
Saturday night is cards and crooners night in the Shat Rosta luxury 5* hotel. Our Cath was den introduced to team poker, she got right arssy just cos she lost all her crowns and had to get more from Paul. Me mate Nick and I shared out de winnins later. De old feller den gets completely blathered and starts on young Jamesie, who could not stand it, so went to bed at half eight. Ah well we would ave to drink his share. In de disco Martin reckons it a meetin of de CZ National Front. Had a bet wit one of dem Front geezers that he won’t dance wit our Cath, after a few vodka stiffeners, he was struttin round de floor wit our Cath. I had to pay up or is brudder was gona do me, with de winnins he has 14 straight vodkas and is paralysed on de bar. We was a bit peckish so I pushed de boat out for me mates and we had roast duck in a plum sauce wit dem dumplins. Paul, while our Cath is fightin of de CZ NF geezer, tell de old feller dat we is all avin duck on de kitty, he sprints in 5 minutes later to get a fork in de back of de hand, that’ll teach im to try it on.
Sunday, felt a nudder couple of schemes comin on, went to de border and Mike and Helen gave us loads of dem der crowns for a Polska stamp in der passports, amazin wot yer can do with a potato. Called everyone for a whip round into de kitty, claimin dat it was all spent. Yer can imagine me horror when several of dem harriers includin dat Liz (her of de sweat shirt scam) ses dat one amongst us should pay double, so he did, and no one felt in de slightest bit guilty. De CZ Grand National is on de telly, but the sweep is a compete balls up and dat lucky git Mike wins me money.
Sunday night, waited up late until de light weights has gone to bed before we start on a serious Champagne and Caviar session dat Johnny Jugs, Steve and dat Martin shifted loads. Apparently, cos I was in de gents, der was a complaint about de noisy scouser language class, wot I was runnin for me CZ mates. Day told me it was our Cath, but I never believed dem, our Cath’s not like dat, but den she was upset losin dat Skoda by 6 seconds.
Monday got dem to split up so as de kitty would not get spent, went round dat Prague bought a load of expensive presents out of de kitty, got upgraded to Club on de plane and counted me change. A very pleasant and profitable weekend away.
 

For those members like me, who are not fluent in Pidgin Scouse, a translation will appear in next month’s issue, courtesy of Franny, who is furiously completing a crash correspondence course in Odd English.
 

 
7th OCTOBER.

The course ran around paths in the forest of approx. 3000metres per lap, the ladies doing one lap and the men three, it resembled a switch back becoming more slippery as more and more pairs of feet took it’s toll. The worst hill seemed to be a 45 degree gradient and over 100 metres long. The start and finish were in a small playing field on top of the mountain, the first 150m over rough grass and the next 50m down a very steep path with very dodgy tree roots making life very difficult. Loss of concentration at the bottom of this slope could have meant disappearing over a cliff and sometime later arriving in Trutnov.
We had 3 ladies competing in the 1 lap, 3000m race and all acquitted themselves well. Cath took 4th spot in the over 20’s with Liz and Helen taking 7th and 9th places respectively. Cath started off in the front but was overtaken on the first long downhill section.
The mens 9000m race, from a prize-giving point of view, was split between senior men and vets with Mike was the only one of our group who got to the podium with 2nd place, having been blown away by a mountain goat 5 years his senior. Close to the end of the first lap the writer spotted one of our group walking and removing his x-country skiing bib. Could it be Jamie (bad cold), Nick (bad groin and he loves cross-country), Mick McMahon (heel) or Steve(left his studs in the hotel)? As it turned out it was Steve who was having trouble with his hamstring who dropped out and got a 99 99 99 in the official results. Thats Czech computer speak for DNF though it did occur to us it might have been his waist measurement.
Meanwhile the rest of us, wearing our rather silly looking ski bibs with hugh numbers on back to front, were struggling with the course. Particularly as a significant amount of alcohol was consumed the evening before – except Jamie who was nursing his cold. In normal circumstances the writer would have expected him to come in the first three but he treated the race as a training run. However the support from the spectators was terrific.